The Future of Conveyancing: Say It Ain't So!
- AuthorPaul Hajek
Mr Poor and Miss Unfortunate, are looking to buy their dream home in Yate (other towns villages and cities are available)
First time buyers, Mr. Poor and Miss Unfortunate had been enticed by the Punter Procurement department of the Inter Galactic Estate Agents.com to provide Conveyancing services on their dream home, from their sister company Your-Call-is-Important-To-Us.com in Timbukthree.
The poor unfortunate first time buyers were originally assured by Tulisa the Estate Agency’s 18 year old highly experienced sales coordinator that there would be no delays in getting them into their dream home.
"The Future of Conveyancing"
Their chosen Conveyancers were the future of conveyancing.
Mr Poor and Miss Unfortunate were assured by Tulisa that their Conveyancers had passed rigorous quality control audits and were solely appointed on the basis that they paid the highest referrals fees to Inter Galactic Estate Agents to get the most work.
Tulisa proudly announced that it was her job to hound the Conveyancers mercilessly, including mild flagellation. Tulisa was particularly excited by that prospect as she had recently read about such antics from a best selling trilogy she bought in Tesco and was keen to experiment.
Tick Box Tulisa
Furthermore, Tulisa would make doubly sure -and she meant that literally – that the Conveyancers would answer every single question on her tick box at least twice. Tulisa admitted she hadn't a clue what the questions meant, but hey - don't shoot the messenger.
Imagine the sheer look of horror on the faces of Mr. Poor and Miss Unfortunate when they heard from Tulisa in the first of a series 1on1 Interfaces that there they could not move into their dream home after all.
As Tulisa informed them, she had just had a three way conference call with Dirk Dagger Acting Head Designate of Global Conveyancing and Ms Eve Drops, their Monitoring Director and there was bad news.
The bad news that Tulisa had to impart was that the Water and Drainage Search had revealed that their dream home was not on a route of main trains. More worryingly, their dream home did not have a “right to life”.
Obviously, Mr Poor and Miss Unfortunate were distraught and turned to their friends for help. One of their friends recommended Clox Cutton a quality firm of Conveyancing Solicitors in neighbouring Sodding Chipbury.
Initially there were a bit nervous contacting Clox Cutton as they had already been on their website and read loads of great articles about Conveyancing in an easy to digest style and jargon free way. Indeed, they had actually downloaded a free 112 page book on buying and selling your home and the Conveyancing process. And that’s not to mention all the great testimonials they had read. Frankly, they were embarrassed.
You see, Mr. Poor and Miss Unfortunate had been dissuaded from using a local Conveyancing firm. Tulisa explained that according to her training manual this was not how Conveyancing was done any more. The farther away the better in Tulisa’s opinion even in another country if needs be!
And anyway, Tulisa pleaded with them that if they didn’t use their chosen Conveyancers, she might, at the very worst, lose her job or, at best, be sent away to Wales for remedial training.
We know you like happy endings, so we're pleased to report a happy ending.
Mr. Poor and Miss Unfortunate fed up not being able to get hold of their "case handler" went with their gut instinct and asked Clox Cutton to carry out the conveyancing on their dream home. If only they'd listened and not been bullied by the Estate Agent.
Are You Local?
Their dream home was purchased with a modicum of fuss and a minimum of delay. They loved the fact that they could pop in and see their Solicitor when they wanted.
Everything was explained to them by their Conveyancing Solicitor and the rest of the staff in an easy going and relaxed atmosphere. They could even get updates from their website or direct to their mobiles.
Mr. Poor and Miss Unfortunate were extremely grateful for all the expert conveyancing advice they had received and vowed to tell all their friends and wrote a wonderful testimonial on the Clox Cutton website. They could see why so many other conveyancing clients had done the same.
So as you can see, the future is already here: ain't that the truth!
P.S. In case you’re wondering the route of the trains had been misheard and was in fact the route of the drains.
P.P.S. And their dream flat did in fact have a right to light.
P.P.P.S Please replace Clox Cutton with Clutton Cox throughout.